The following helpful tools were written by, Bruce S. Riley, MFT

Click the link for your helpful tool…

> > > Twenty Things to say to your Husband
> > > Twenty Things to say to your wife
> > > Quotes for the Soul
> > > What makes a good Marital Team?
> > > The Four Stages of Every Successful Relationship

  1. “Come here and let me kiss you”
  2. “Guess what’s on my mind?”
  3. “I can’t wait until you get home”
  4. “I look forward to spending time with you”
  5. “I really thank the Lord for you”
  6. “I’m so glad you are in my life”
  7. “You are more than enough man for me”
  8. “Can I take you out?”
  9. “You make me feel necessary”
  10. “Next week I’m going to cook your best meal”
  11. “You make me feel special”
  12. “I need you like the air I breathe”
  13. “You have such beautiful, deep eyes. It’s like I can see into your soul”
  14. “I prayed for you today”
  15. “I love how you love me”
  16. “My love for you is endless”
  17. “I never get enough of your love”
  18. “I love it when you put your arms around me”
  19. “When I close my eyes at night, you are all I see”
  20. “One thing I know for sure, I will always love you”


  1. I love you. (OK, if you don't, then remember that love is not a feeling, but a decision. Make the decision and say the words! After all, you made the decision when you got married.)
  2. "Yes my love, I'll fix it right now." This will really get her excited!
  3. Choose a bodily feature that you have always liked, and compliment her on it. For example, "Your eyes are really beautiful." Look for some new things you can compliment her on too.
  4. When she does something right, like make a nice supper, tell her "This is really, really good! You're a star!"
  5. When you find her talking to a younger woman that you don't know, ask her "Were you in school with that lady? Not? Oh, you looked about the same age.."
  6. When she's got a nice perfume on, tell her "You smell like heaven!"
  7. Tell her "You are my best friend."
  8. Tell her firmly "I'm going to do the dishes for you; no arguments."
  9. Surprise her with "I'm taking you out for coffee and muffins."
  10. "I'm going to clean my garage out today." (It may take a week or three, but the mere mention of this task will get you into the pound seats with your wife.
  11. Snuggle up and say “I feel really close to you”
  12. Run your fingers through her hair and say “I really love your hair”
  13. In a loud voice say “You look good in those pants”
  14. Call her on the phone or text her and say “I miss you”
  15. Also say “I can’t wait to see you again”
  16. Go sit next to her and say “I enjoy every moment with you”
  17. Out of the blue tell her “You’re hot”
  18. Write her a note and say “I am so blessed to be married to you”
  19. When you’re out with her say “You really make my day”
  20. Hold her close and say “When I hold you I feel alive”

  I’m sure when you tell her some of these things you will get a very positive response


" Sometimes we only strive to ever get better in our lives. The important thing is not that we reach the ultimate goal but that we keep traveling the journey, one that is now so different from when we began it." Haullie Free
" Love yourself enough to let God love you, then love others like that!"  Joyce C. Lock
" If God answers your prayers, he's increasing your faith; If he delays, he's increasing your patience; If he doesn't, he has faith in your abilities." Author Unknown
" Sometimes you have to speak up, even if they don't want to hear it, because if you don't you are not being true to yourself." Author Unknown
" If you aren't making any mistakes, it's a sure sign you're playing it too safe." John Maxwell
 “Treat people as if they were what they ought to be, and you help them to become what they are capable of being.” Goethe
“O Lord, please fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and nudge me when I've said enough.” Author Unknown
 “Wash your face every morning in a bath of praise.” Charles Spurgeon
 “Faith is daring the soul to go beyond what the eyes can see.” William Newton Clark


I like tennis, bowling, and golf – basically individual sports. However, there is something about team sports that create great morale, camaraderie, and excites whole cities. Most people love to be a part of a team. The togetherness developed through teamwork, in many ways, creates friendships that last for a lifetime.

Try viewing you and your spouse as a team. Imagine what would happen if you both decided that your relationship and home would be a result of a combined effort, you both using your best skills and talents, and expecting to win at marriage? A marital team can be developed by any couple if they are willing to apply some of the principles given below:

1. Shared Values

It is great when your marriage is a good fit. What makes it work best is when each spouse brings his or her “A” game into the relationship.  A “values based” relationship will allow each person to give his/her best. Find out what’s most important to you and your spouse and ‘join’ each other with the goal of living out those values. When you are on the “same page” you will also work closer together and accomplish more.

2. Mutual Trust

This is a shared belief that says “You can depend on me” to stay with you no matter what, and to achieve your common goals. A good team works better in a climate of trust. They are encouraged to openly express opinions, feelings, and doubts. Team members share important information and ideas. They are fair, willing to be influenced and fulfill their promises. Trust also fosters enthusiasm, ensuring the best performance from each person. When there is mutual trust doubt is eliminated and will allow more pleasant interactions.

3. Motivation

The word motivation in its Latin form, "motus" means motion which implies some kind of movement and that motivation is a verb - it is something you DO. If your reasons (motive) are strong enough motivation is automatic and consequently you will keep taking action towards attaining your goal. It is actions that produce the results in your lives and pulls you into the direction you want to go. Your marital goals must not only be common to you both, but your motive for pursuing these goals must have potential rewards for you both. It is so refreshing when a husband and wife cheer each other up every day. When I am encouraged by my wife it makes me not only want to work harder on my personal goals, but to do more for her.

4. Complimentary Skills -

A husband and wife should build on each other’s competencies and move towards synergy. The more a couple works together the easier it is to get things done and to determine what roles each person can assume to get more done.  It is not uncommon to see husbands cook the dinner or the wife to manage the money. Couples should do whatever allows the household to run well. Also, the power of the compliment can create a tremendous surge of happiness in the interactional style of the relationship. A compliment is an expression of praise. Compliments can be towards the character, the appearance, actions taken, and appreciation for one another.

5. Rewards.

Every benchmark goal should be celebrated. I think it is a good idea to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries, promotions, home improvements, a completed work week, or even a week when there are no arguments. The greatest team management principle is that the things that get rewarded get done. By rewarding yourselves for the things that you both enjoy doing will inspire greater goals and create more teamwork. 


Stage One - Forming

  • You’re interested in each other
  • You like what you see
  • You like what you know…so far
  • You decide to pursue the relationship

Stage Two - Storming

  • The process of becoming “one”
  • You seek to maintain autonomy
  • There is a conflict of wills
  • You must decide what to keep when you both have room of furniture, or if you want to ride out this storm
  • You learn from the storm
  • You seek to know each other – you acknowledge each other – you see each other’s strengths
  • You develop a complimentary style – like dancing or rowing a boat
  • You listen more and talk less
  • You make peace in the storm – you move on

Stage Three - Norming

  • You begin to adjust to each other
  • You determine what to tolerate
  • You begin to cover each other – protect each other
  • You take initiative of the other’s behalf
  • You “unpack” your bags
  • You learn not to take life too seriously
  • Observe little improvements and give feedback
  • You see the sky clearing – you bring cheer to each other
  • You serve each other unconditionally

Stage Four - Performing

  • You decide to enjoy the trip regardless of the weather
  • You realize that your spouse is the reason you are on the trip
  • It’s not about “stuff”, it’s about the one you are with
  • You cherish each moment in your spouse’s presence, and they know it

Back To Top